High atop the icy mountain peaks, the tentacled terror awaits you. Given the circumstances, there isn’t much time to descend the face of that terrible cliff. But, you do have an hour or two to spare for a breath of fresh air known as 1958′s The Crawling Eye. Avalanches are the least of your worries as you survive the harsh conditions of movie background, the crawling fly, the return of British evil, tacky Americana, Jason’s type of guy, the Germans and their twisted naughty films, the NEW chosen land, pseudoscientific quackery, another out-of-the-blue Bond rant, eugenics, and other radioactive freaks of nature. That’s right. Nasty business. Very nasty.
Right now, he’s out there. Watching, waiting. Don’t look… he’ll see you. Don’t move… he’ll hear you. Don’t breathe… just listen carefully as Matt and Jason give it to you straight at their fireside chat on 1981′s The Burning. Deep in the forest, you’ll hear the cries of film details, the glut of camping murder movies, pot deal refunds, IMDB idiocy, Matt’s love of ice princesses, summer camp memories, the horrors of terrycloth, the misunderstood Cropsy and other revenge on those meddling kids. So, are you in? Because, if not… YOU’RE DEAD!
We like pretty girls. We only kill pretty girls. And that’s why only a couple of ladykillers like Matt and Jason could bring you the sanguinary saga of 1964′s Blood and Black Lace. So, slip on your murder mask and meet us on the catwalk as we parade movie details, quack psychology, misogyny around the world, spontaneous homicide musings, Jason’s million mentions of Black Sabbath (the movie), the compliance of deceased sexual partners, Bava vs. Argento, models as meat, and other tasty Italian treats. Does the sight of beauty make you lose control? Then listen in!
The funeral is about to begin. Never mind the scurrying creatures and flying weaponized spheres. Just bow your head and hang on tight as Matt and Jason open the portal to 1979′s Phantasm. You might think that when you die, you go to Heaven, but you’ll actually come to us for movie trivia, ’70s dirtbag guys, why modern cars suck, Matt’s intentionally bad French, hair helmets, bachelorette parties gone wild, dwarf vs. midget vs. little person, unisex names, and other things that are little, brown and low to the ground. It’s definitely going to be a hot time. Hot as love. You know?
Sometimes, you just have to get your lovin’ where you can. And Matt and Jason really get out their grave digging shovels for 1964′s The Tomb of Ligeia. Prepare for a mindless sort of madness as your handsome hosts exhume movie background, natural lighting for home porn, British horses, death and resurrection, May-December relationships, Jason’s necrophiliac desires, Matt’s favorite Dr. Who, sexy pale girls, drinking breast milk and other things that make you go meow. Just don’t look into their eyes. They will confound you!
Teleportation can have some odd side effects. You might start sprouting strange hairs or even acquire the ability to climb all over the walls. If these and other symptoms persist, you should listen immediately to our helpful commentary on 1986′s The Fly. Although your handsome hosts are not actual scientists, they will professionally guide you through film facts, improbable user interfaces in cinema, Jason’s magical journey through someone else’s beard, post-coital decorum, judging hairstyles, science over belief, the BrundleFly / Michael Jackson connection, Matt trying J&B for the first time and other means by which to make your flesh crazy. So, take a deep penetrating dive into our plasma pool, and we’ll see you on the other side.
Everybody needs some change now and again, to get away from it all and become someone else. Or… something else. So, enter the disintegration chamber and your handsome hosts will see you on the other end with their recombinant commentary for 1958′s The Fly. Sometimes you have to destroy in order to create, and Matt and Jason do their share of breaking down movie background, math wizards, dumb horror podcasts, the perils of Canadian French, heavy metal facelifts, the hotness of crying girls, repressed ’50s housewives, tips for finding sex entertainment in Quebec, post-1985 James Bond hate, and other questionable experiments. But, don’t worry. They wouldn’t harm anything… not even a fly.
Spirits surround you on every side. Murder is in the air. And the mesmerizing voices of Matt and Jason cannot be resisted as you slowly open the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. You’ll find yourself in a hypnotic haze as you silently spiral into 1920 to witness movie facts, the Siegfried Steamer, those fun-loving Germans, the secret hidey-hole, Jason’s love of silent film gals, Matt’s use of “comely”, semi-consensual roleplaying, Hitler, the death of cursive writing, hotel Bible destruction, and other plots of doom. But, don’t ask us for more. You wouldn’t like to know your fate.
Buongiorno, Demoni del Terrore! Step into the parlor and let Matt and Jason make you a nice pizza pie… along with a special vino just for you: Deep Red, vintage 1975. After a few bottles, you might feel a bit woozy, so lie down in the back of the Ferrari as your handsome hosts take you for a ride through movie background, loads of giallo film recommendations, Italian gender-bending, the power of J&B scotch, the glory of unfettered breasts, the beauty of cinematic death, the creepiness of puppets, Jason’s fear of little girls, arguments about pajamas, Matt’s spontaneous desire to solve crimes and other means by which to smash faces of pretty girls into glass. Que bella!