There’s a psychopath roaming the streets of New York City. And no matter how fancy shmancy you think you are with your fancy dresses and lipstick, he’ll get you. Unless, of course, you find that poorly-lit alleyway where Matt and Jason will drive you crazy with their commentary on the 1980 release of Maniac. Strike a few sexy poses while your handsome hosts take you away with film background, red light districts, urban paranoia, the gritty ’70s NYC cinema, ironic hipster nonsense, hot modern mannequins, angry womyn, vintage porn critiques, horror survival tips, the Maniac remake and other means to possess you… forever.
You can hear the sound of a van pulling up behind you. The assaultive scent of Naugahyde and Aqua Velva follows as the approaching disco beat arouses your senses. You can’t help yourself. You get into the vehicle as the driver pops in another 8-track tape; this time, commentary on 1980′s Prom Night. Two handsome hunks in the back are staring lewdly at you and drinking heavily as you hear the chatter of film facts, Canadian slasher movie history, smart people who agree with Jason and the stupid people who do not, cruel kids, Matt’s van-tasies, the Lou-nibrow, hot chicks in hot pants, disco vs. rock, the majesty of Slick, advice for teen virgins, why horny kids get killed and other things that are gonna get you. When you awake by the side of the road two hours later, just go home and never, ever tell anyone. No one but you will ever know. Maybe.
Bolted doors and windows barred – Matt and Jason stand on guard – another episode not to dread – yes, of course, it’s Pumpkinhead! And with that terrible rhyme comes their commentary on this 1988 creature feature. So, just in case God doesn’t show (and he won’t), enter the witch’s lair and sit a spell while your handsome hosts dig up their deepest thoughts on film background, a salute to our Italian-American friends, douchebags with headbands, city kids invading the rural areas, the ubiquity of denim in ’80s cinema, the gaping terror of Bundt cakes, gender ambiguity in monsters, names you can’t take seriously, Pumpkinhead’s black metal makeover, the evolution of music subculture chicks, and other things that’ll scare the piss out of you. For each of man’s evils, a special demon exists. And this one stinks of booze and off-color jokes.
In honor of our 100th episode, it has been decided that the malignant influence of the show should now extend far beyond our earthly bounds. So, your handsome hosts have rocketed into the deepest reaches of space to spread their vile commentary on 1981′s Galaxy of Terror. The Master has spoken! So enter the wet black hole and receive movie background, Eddie Albert Junior hatred, old man moments, fictional planets for carnal misconduct, picking on sacred cows, Jason’s love of Red Shoe Diaries, magic psychedelic beer, sexual assault in movies, film opinions changing over time, and other celestial silliness. Your countdown to Hell is about to begin. So, start drinking now!
Will listening to this podcast be enough to stop the huge beast? Will the miracle be granted? Or will it be yet another of man’s puny efforts to oppose this irresistible force of ancient nature? Probably that last one. But, don’t be sad. Down a few pints of lager and let Matt and Jason lead you to the circus’s most fearsome attraction: 1961′s Gorgo. Sure, we’ll probably have to answer for all of the urban devastation in our drunken path, but in the meanwhile, we can enjoy movie facts, Jason’s fear of patricide, the joys of gutter-stepping, Asian perversions, non-smoking co-hosts, the uselessness of guilt, dancing penises, the divisiveness of Gamera, vicariously living through destructive monsters, and other things that should not be. Overwhelmed? Exhausted? Helpless? Then we’ve done our job.
In a distant room, you can hear the haunting sounds of music. As you approach the source, you gasp in horror as you see the hand that plays the piano is completely dismembered. Now, this might seem shocking but you haven’t experienced anything until you’ve listened to Matt and Jason’s cacophonous commentary on 1946′s The Beast With Five Fingers. Now come the hallucinations as your handsome hosts soothe you with movie background, Matt’s tween superhero days, robot girlfriends, cunning stunts, Batman and Penguin’s hilarious sexual escapades, dictators and the women who don’t love them, “pianists”, Jason’s hatred for female hairstyles of the 1940s, the gayness of mustaches, and other nails hammered into your extremities. So, relax and let the music… slay!
You have received a transmission of unknown origin. The course of your journey has been interrupted for three hours in the darkness of space, in which no one can hear you scream. Your special order is to return with our commentary on 1979′s Alien. All other priorities are rescinded as your handsome hosts celebrate Terror Transmission’s 4th anniversary. You’ll also have plenty of time before the emergency destruct system reaches zero to enjoy film background, misunderstood genius, movie tech vs. modern-day tech, science fiction’s influence on actual tech, machine vs. man vs. monster, “face hugging”, Matt Meets The Plush Godzilla, token vs. token, dictator directors, comparison to Aliens and other primordial pustulence. This is Matt and Jason, signing off.
Sometimes, it really does take a mob of sexually assaultive sea monsters to bring a community together. And group action is what your handsome hosts are all about as they foster their own twisted brand of awareness for 1980′s Humanoids from the Deep. Listen as Matt and Jason build good social relations through film facts, fat kid ineptitude, the biblical justification for stoning babies, Terror Transmission’s booze cruise, Morrow’s wacky death, overinflated Indian names, gay code, plucky women and other ways to create deeper respect and mutual trust. There’s certainly nothing fish-y about that!
High atop the icy mountain peaks, the tentacled terror awaits you. Given the circumstances, there isn’t much time to descend the face of that terrible cliff. But, you do have an hour or two to spare for a breath of fresh air known as 1958′s The Crawling Eye. Avalanches are the least of your worries as you survive the harsh conditions of movie background, the crawling fly, the return of British evil, tacky Americana, Jason’s type of guy, the Germans and their twisted naughty films, the NEW chosen land, pseudoscientific quackery, another out-of-the-blue Bond rant, eugenics, and other radioactive freaks of nature. That’s right. Nasty business. Very nasty.
Right now, he’s out there. Watching, waiting. Don’t look… he’ll see you. Don’t move… he’ll hear you. Don’t breathe… just listen carefully as Matt and Jason give it to you straight at their fireside chat on 1981′s The Burning. Deep in the forest, you’ll hear the cries of film details, the glut of camping murder movies, pot deal refunds, IMDB idiocy, Matt’s love of ice princesses, summer camp memories, the horrors of terrycloth, the misunderstood Cropsy and other revenge on those meddling kids. So, are you in? Because, if not… YOU’RE DEAD!