Terror Transmission

The Box – 2009 – Warner Brothers – DVD and Blu-Ray

This film is either a confusing muddle of imagery with a staggering budget or a thought provoking discourse on human nature with a staggering budget, depending upon your interpretation and expectations. Richard Kelly is, indubitably, an intelligent filmmaker, and his screenplay is based on a Richard Matheson short story (“Button, Button,” itself inspired by “The Monkey’s Paw”), so, at the very least, there is a strong foundation for entertainment here. The great Frank Langella stars as the man who delivers the paw, er… the box, to unlikely couple Cameron Diaz and James Marsden. Perhaps worth a perusal, but probably not a purchase.

The Caretaker – 2008 – MTI Home Video

The caretaker of an abandoned house kills off the latest group of nettlesome teens in yet another vapid interpretation of the slasher film. Jennifer Tilly and Judd Nelson add the requisite waning star power to a cast full of pretty faced idiots whose tiresome antics make them prime candidates for horribly painful and eugenically necessary euthanasia. If you’ve seen any teen horror film release in the last 15 years, you’ve seen this and, no doubt, been fitting yourself for black trench coats to mitigate your irritation.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant – 2009 – Universal Studios – DVD and Blu-Ray

Harry Potter meets The Lost Boys at the Jim Rose Circus. Sound like a blast? It is! This is one of the most endearing all-ages films to come out of the horror genre in quite some time and stands in stark contrast to the petulant Twilight series (and ilk) because of its self-effacing humor and adventurous spirit. In short, this one succeeds exactly where so many others fail and therefore earns itself an unhesitant recommendation from this unremittingly jaded fan.

Colour From the Dark – 2008 – Italy – Vanguard Cinema

The most recent adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Colour Out of Space” (after Die, Monster, Die and The Curse), this one bears the distinction of featuring a terrestrial “colour” and being mindfully religious, which renders it completely antithetical to the source’s intent. A cast of Italians speaking forced English will only heighten your awareness of this adaptation’s awkwardness, and the utter lack of the Cosmicism perspective, which is central to the author’s work, is an unforgivable oversight. For less demanding Lovecraft completists only.

Dead Snow: 2 Disc Special Edition – 2009 – Norway – MPI

This is the extras-loaded edition of the film released on 2/9 of this year, so I would ask that you revisit that listing ( http://terrortransmission.com/2010/02/09/upcoming-horror-releases-on-dvd-blu-ray-2910/ ) for the skinny on the fun to be had with zombie stormtroopers vs tiresome teens.

Open Graves: Curses Last Forever – 2009 – Lionsgate

Witchboard, (1986), meets Final Destination, (2000), in the year 2009, when we all should know better. Lionsgate skull-fucks unwitting teenagers with expendable cash (and utterly fails the rest of us)… again.

Sorority Row – 2009 – Summit Entertainment

By last count, this was the 278th remake of 2009, and easily one of the worst (which is saying something.) I would feel really sorry for the youthful horror fans of today… if it weren’t for the wealth of information and availability of true horror benchmarks at their Vaseline encrusted fingertips. The truth is out there, kiddies, it’s up to you to find it.