Terror Transmission

As fans of classic horror, we tend to like things left as they are. Whether it’s the occasional cringe when yet another deplorable remake surfaces or, in this case, the original home video box art is expunged and replaced with something less inspired and lacking the flavor of the film it’s trying to promote, it’s often an unwelcome revisionism that terror-fiends want no part of.

The box art change appears especially pointless when directly compared. So, in the interest of edification (and a means to rant for a number of paragraphs), here are a few of the most flagrant violators…

Trick or Treat

Back in the fall of 1986, heavy metal was positioned as the bad guy in popular culture, whether by concerned parent groups or the savvy marketing folks at the record labels. Either way, it made sense to construct a horror movie with a headbanger as the central boogeyman. The original VHS box art for Trick or Treat (let alone the even better movie poster) simply screamed “rent me!” It has the rocker in a ring of flame with a big beasty fellow trying to lick him. That’s pure rental gold right there.

But, of course, time passed. Metal, as it was known then, fell out of the public eye and a new generation had to be lured to this title somehow. Since metal veterans Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne have both made pop culture comebacks with their respective “Reality TV” shows, why not slap them on the front of the DVD edition’s cover? Aside from the fact that their appearances are fleeting cameos at best, what the heck is up with that burning house and floating skull? It’s as if nothing on the cover is indicative of the actual film? And that shot of Ozzy is certainly not from 1986 at all. Give me Sammi Curr or give me nothing.

The Gate

I don’t like when awesomely dark and creepy horror art is “transformed” into something shiny and family friendly. And that is why I am appalled (yes, appalled!) at the sad attempt at modernity glaring back at me from the new DVD release of this classic flick. And for the love of all that is unholy, is that supposed to be Stephen Dorff? Really? It looks like someone took a young Haley Joel Osment and put him in camping clothes. I object! Is Disney making creature pics now? If not, get this crap off my DVD box and put the original art back! Or a naked Christa Denton. Yes, I can be bought off with gratuitous nudity. Sue me.

The Burning

There’s a freakin’ guy on fire, for cryin’ out loud! Right there! That alone makes it a superior cover to… just who is that supposed to be, a welfare version of Freddy Krueger? No, Jason’s in the woods, Freddy’s in your nightmares — keep it straight, people! That aside, The Burning is a classic slasher flick back when they actually knew how to make them, but I sure would pass on this movie if I didn’t know that and had only this bland cover to work with. And I want the freakin’ guy on fire to return. Considering he’s in the movie, that’s truth in packaging right there.

The Thing

I love Photoshop. It’s a great software package that can really aid in creating some solid visual art moments. This DVD cover is not one of those moments. Yes, I understand, the airbrush tool is lots of fun to use, and the paint effect harkens back to the days of MacPaint (or MS Paint, for you PC folks), but it does not replace the sheer brilliance of the original cover, coming at you with big bold letters and crazy blinding evil light radiating from a guy’s face. John Carpenter movies were once good. Let’s not make these DVD release covers as shitty as his modern cinematic offerings. Please.

There are other covers of this sort out there, to be sure. Feel free to post your own findings and discuss.