Terror Transmission

Throughout the year, I do a smattering of mini-reviews for various films on my blog, mostly of the bloody variety. Here are the major ones from 2009…

Cold Prey – Liked it. Definitely in line with the better Scandinavian horror we’ve been seeing these days. Premise is standard: vacationing young people more or less trapped (this time, at an abandoned ski lodge) while someone or something picks them off one by one. A little formulaic, but with some worthy moments, great cinematography, and decent storyline.

Repo! The Genetic Opera – A complete waste of time. An attempt at a horror musical, Repo falls flat on its cheesy, emo-ish, and poorly-scored rear end. It tries to borrow here and there from both genre camps (yeah, you too, Rocky Horror), but to no real interesting ends. I couldn’t wait for this to end.

Karaoke Terror – Dark Japanese comedy pitting vengeful middle-aged housewives against murderous Karaoke gang. It’s bloody, it’s fun, and even a little strange. Rent.

Frailty – If looking for a blood-soaked romp through Christian extremism in all of its Biblical inspiration, this one might do it. Bill Paxton plays the demon-hallucinating father who drags his two young sons into his murderous delusions, convinced that many around him are possessed and in need of dispatch. Goes the crime drama route, most of the time quite effectively.

The Lost – Indie thriller/slasher movie involving purportedly charismatic teen killer, Ray Pye and the police that spend the film trying to pin the crimes to him. Some dark comedy, some occasionally clever dialogue, and, oh, yes, blood. Good in parts, but not great. A couple folks in it can’t really act, either. Worth a casual viewing.

Suicide Club – Japanese horror/thriller about a series of group teen suicides, patches of cut skin, and a pre-teen girl pop group called Dessart. Cryptic, creepy, and disconnected. And WAY too much pressure-hosed blood, as is standard Japanese horror fare these days. Stands out from many of its genre.

Frontiers – French gore flick about a small group of fun-loving riot looters who split town and end up at a hostel to divide their spoils. Unfortunately for them, the innkeeper and his family are crazed neo-Nazis looking for torture and forced breeding. Lots of thinky subtext amidst the carnage. Not too shabby.

Friday The 13th (2009) – Having unfortunately seen it in the theaters, I later rented it to see if it really was as bad as I remembered. And it is. Terribly structured script for any genre, but especially horror. Derek Mears as Jason was rather impressive, but he’s stuck in a dud storyline that’s full of logical holes, lame characters, bad acting, and a predictable ending. Director Marcus Nispel comes from a music video background and it shows, lacking the insight and appreciation necessary to have effectively tackled this almost doomed to failure project.

Splinter – Fairly decent survival horror flick about four (sometimes stupid) folks trapped in a convenient store and fending off zombified crazies. Lots of blood and gore, which I hear some people rather like in their movies. Hey, I’m one of ‘em!

Laid To Rest – A modern paint-by-numbers psycho killer film. Much of the hype surrounding this one makes it out to be incredibly reminiscent and even emulative of the 1980s slasher movie classics. Overall, it’s not. The acting is amateurish and often overdone — especially from the irritating female lead. The killer’s okay but he’s no Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers, though the kill scenes are often decent. Largely generic and only worth a casual viewing.

Stuck – More thriller than horror, this slight departure for director Stuart Gordon (Re-animator, From Beyond, etc.) is fairly enjoyable. Caregiver hits hobo with her car, drives home with him still in the windshield (hence, the movie title), and spends much time trying to figure out what to do with him, while he continues to struggle for freedom throughout. A little flawed, but fun.

The Alphabet Killer – Largely mediocre catch-the-serial-killer horror/crime drama directed by Rob Schmidt (the guy who brought us Wrong Turn, also starring Eliza Dushku). The story is okay at best (and very loosely based on actual events), but the acting is questionable. Watch this if you’re really that bored.

My Bloody Valentine (2009) – Remake of classic ’80s Canadian slasher. Although this might not be saying much, it is miles better than most of the remakes that have come out in the last decade, especially that abominable Friday The 13th re-do. It’s still pretty Hollywood with its share of stupid and pretty people, and the ending isn’t exactly original, but it’s got some good scares and gore. It’s probably going to be at least a little better than you might think, but not by leaps and bounds.

The Haunting In Connecticut – If jump scares were pussy, then this film is a coked-up Tijuana hooker on a Friday night during shore leave. Yes, yes, I get it. You want me to be shocked every 3 minutes, but it gets old after the first five or six attempts. This movie tries way too hard to be startling, and takes a lot of cliches down with it. Some of the acting was okay, though. But, the question remains: Why not just LEAVE THE HOUSE?!

Martyrs – A revenge tale with some odd twists, easing you first into the story and then sledgehammering you with the main conflict. Torture, blood, death, rinse, repeat. Another notch in the belt of French gore, with the last 20 minutes or so being a point of contention with genre fans. Definitely see it.

The Last House On The Left (2009) – A band of fun-loving miscreants rape one girl and kill another, all to find themselves seeking shelter in the home of the violated female’s parents. Remake of the Wes Craven film, but makes the mistake of having the raped girl live, changing the entire point of the movie. Some jarring moments here and there (including the obvious one), but with a somewhat silly final scene. Still, worth a casual viewing as a standard popcorn flick.

Donkey Punch – An unfortunately stupid name for a movie because the actual film is not too bad. Seven young people take a nice boat out on the ocean, one of them accidentally dies from titled sexual practice, and then the fun begins. Who turns on whom? Who’s in it for themselves? Who plays hero? Well, see the film and find out.

Shuttle – Two not entirely bright or likable college gals jump an airport shuttle along with a few others and find themselves the hostages of at least one desperate man. Nice plot shifts, opening up to a deeper storyline towards the end. These shuttle passengers are occasionally pretty dumb, but I’ve come to grips with that being the reality of most people. Seriously rent it.

Mum and Dad – We’ve seen the killer family before, from Spider Baby to Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Mother’s Day to Frontiers, etc. This certainly follows some established territory, bringing in the gore but also with some laughs. If you’re not completely tired of this set-up, then you might enjoy this. It has its moments, but not in spades.

Grace – Comparisons to It’s Alive will be made, but it’s fair to say that this bloodthirsty zombie baby is actually rather creepy and the storyline keeps your attention. The premise might sound hokey, but the execution is surprisingly good. Decent gore and well-shot. Check it out.

Book of Blood – Following the not-so-great Midnight Meat Train comes another Clive Barker story that doesn’t successfully translate to the Big Screen — this one, being a haunted house tale with a twist. It’s not utterly horrible but it’s in no way good, either. It feels like a mediocre Masters of Horror episode, if you have that little reference in mind. Will someone please take a Barker tale and make a movie on it that comes even reasonably close to the masterpiece that is Hellraiser? Please? He deserves better than this.

Irreversible – This is viewing number two for this one, just making sure I disliked it as much as the first time. And I did. Characters you don’t care about, a story that plods along (albeit, in reverse), obnoxious camerawork, and an extended rape scene for shock. Big deal. France has given us much better offerings this decade, to be sure. This movie tries too hard and ends up pretentious and empty.