Dust off your terry cloth bathrobes and eyeball pentacle necklaces because it’s time for Matt and Jason to put on the commentary cheer for the 1977 drive-in devil flick, Satan’s Cheerleaders. Through margarita goggles, M&J relay the finer points of ’70s extracurricular erotica with a cheesy devil-worship edge, going deep into the hirsute jungle in order to tell the tale to you fine pre-verts. After the feature, expect listener mail, contest details, and more. One for all and all for one, Terror Transmission has a ball (or… four)!
You can’t keep a good cheerleader down. Especially when there are Flickr pics involved.
NEW: Watch Jason make our episodic drinks and introduce EP15’s guest star!
Killer Clowns. Teenagers. Zero budget. Community theater meets the slasher film. Not the worst thing to come out of Jersey, but that’s not saying much, is it? If you want to see something really entertaining, just watch the YouTube video of the director scrambling to aggrandize this worthless tripe. The toxically technicolored Jersey water looks tasty in comparison.
Dead Life: Redeux – 2005 – Seminal Films
Just in case this didn’t significantly nauseate you the first time around, here it is again in a special remastered edition. Gilded poop and nothing more.
2012 – 2009 – Sony Pictures Home Entertainment – DVD and Blu-ray
It is indeed a sorry state of affairs when all we have is a mentally retarded Irwin Allen homage hitting the shelves this week. If you like CGI, shallow characterizations, bloodless mass carnage, and preposterous death-defying scenes every 10 minutes like clockwork… you probably don’t read this column! At least I fucking hope not. Yet another insult to our intelligence from Roland Emmerich, who has carved a nifty little niche for himself as the modern era’s disaster film heir apparent by taking giant shits on the vacant skulls of obliging half-wits and being paid handsomely for his troubles. At least if the world ends in 2012 the atrocity known as Roland Emmerich and his dim-bulb fans will end with it. Now that is something I would pay to see!
That is one of my favorite lines in film, as delivered by Dr. Channard (Kenneth Cranham) in Hellbound: Hellraiser 2, and serves as an accurate appraisal of my apprehensive dread and overdue appreciation for the cult phenomenon, “Dexter.” When something sends shock waves through the pop culture universe as pervasively as this television series did, I tend to run in the other direction and stick my head in the sand, like a misanthropically overstimulated ostrich. My leanings usually sound something like this, “If so many halfwits and hipsters love it, it must appeal to the lowest common denominator and will, almost certainly, revile me and confirm my decidedly anti-television, anti-human being stance.”
Hmm… well, 99.99% of the time this assessment saves me a great deal of monies on headache medication and keeps me out of unflattering prison stripes, which is nice, but this rather fantastic Showtime series falls neatly into that .01% category and had me hooked like a coked up Patti Hearst after about 10 minutes. Stockholm Syndrome, you ask? Nope. Just damn fine television.
The Box – 2009 – Warner Brothers – DVD and Blu-Ray
This film is either a confusing muddle of imagery with a staggering budget or a thought provoking discourse on human nature with a staggering budget, depending upon your interpretation and expectations. Richard Kelly is, indubitably, an intelligent filmmaker, and his screenplay is based on a Richard Matheson short story (“Button, Button,” itself inspired by “The Monkey’s Paw”), so, at the very least, there is a strong foundation for entertainment here. The great Frank Langella stars as the man who delivers the paw, er… the box, to unlikely couple Cameron Diaz and James Marsden. Perhaps worth a perusal, but probably not a purchase.
The Caretaker – 2008 – MTI Home Video
The caretaker of an abandoned house kills off the latest group of nettlesome teens in yet another vapid interpretation of the slasher film. Jennifer Tilly and Judd Nelson add the requisite waning star power to a cast full of pretty faced idiots whose tiresome antics make them prime candidates for horribly painful and eugenically necessary euthanasia. If you’ve seen any teen horror film release in the last 15 years, you’ve seen this and, no doubt, been fitting yourself for black trench coats to mitigate your irritation.
Written by Jason / Category: Blog /
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8.) 1959
In a decade that started as the miserable nadir of the horror film (with a mere three horror entries being released worldwide in 1950), the genre managed to rekindle itself remarkably enough to close out the decade with a triumphant scream that reverberates to this day. After The Thing From Another World became a surprise smash hit (in 1951), the sci-fi bonanza that had begun flooding the market with its xenophobic product only the year before quickly and opportunistically blurred the lines between genres, encroaching more and more into the realms of horror to take advantage of the relative vacuum therein.
Enter figures like William Alland, George Pal, and Ray Harryhausen, who imbued their science fiction output with wonderfully horrific sensibilities (War of the Worlds, It Came From Outer Space) and returned the monstrous to eager audiences (The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms, Creature From the Black Lagoon). After the television premiere of King Kong broke viewership records in 1956, Hollywood studios realized the possibilities of the new market as a forum for their dated product, then moldering in dusty vaults and well-nigh forgotten. And so was born the Shock! Theater package in 1957, a collection of 52 Universal and Columbia horror films (plus 20 more in 1958) which were sold to local markets looking to fill up some of their late night dead air time. Naughty children across the country delighted in defying parental decree by slinking downstairs to catch the gruesome gesticulations of their local horror host whilst being reintroduced to Draculas, Wolfmen, and Mummies galore. Famous Monsters of Filmland, which began as an intended one-off to capitalize on this renewed interest in the macabre, sold its first issue in February of ‘58 and was such a revelatory hit with horror-starved kiddies that it quickly went into a second printing and managed a 191-issue run that lasted well into the ‘1980s (and brought an entire generation into the fold!) The drive-in theater phenomenon (which had begun in the early ’30s) hit its peak in the late fifties with more than 4,000 “passion pits” spread out across predominantly rural areas of the United States.
Cabin Fever goes to the prom with a wink and a nod under the direction of the now ubiquitous Ti West. Okay. Heaps of the red stuff ruptures forth from irksome teenage orifice. Swell! That kid (whom I dream of battering) from “Boy Meets World” is on screen again. Not okay and totally un-swell. If you liked the first one… you depress me.
Freeway Killer – 2009 – Image Entertainment – DVD and Blu-Ray
Another bleak entry in the serial killer canon, this one is based on the true-life exploits of one William Bonin, who cut a swathe through southern California in ‘79-’80 and ended up with a highly impressive body count to his credit (between 21 and 36 victims). I must say that this particular sub-genre leaves me cold, but Michael Rooker co-stars as the long arm of the law in a film that is sure to be measured by the greatness of Henry and is equally certain to pale in comparison. Best enjoyed by the closeted maniacs in the crowd.
Life (or lack thereof) can be difficult for the recently reanimated. Whether it’s trying to find gainful employment or that special someone, it can be tough at times to fit in with a world of smiling, happy, as-yet-undead people. That’s why we at Terror Transmission have developed this commentary for the 1985 sci-fi/horror spectacular, Re-Animator; to help you in your time of need. Sit back and relax your rotting and mutated limbs as Matt and Jason lull you into a state of drooling hypnotic bliss, comforting you with their movie facts and related background, their strange choice in wine, and their ravenous appetite for bubble-headed coeds. After the film, M&J will give you some sense of closure with their recent DVD viewings, details on the next contest giveaway, and more. Welcome back to life!
If you’re too squeamish, do NOT take a look at our Flickr pics for this episode!
UPDATE: Giveaway for this episode now has a winner, and will be announced in Episode 15.
The Brotherhood V: Alumni – 2009 – E1 Entertainment
Directed by “B” movie czar, David DeCoteau, the hack who has delivered such pap as Creepozoids, Retro Pupper Master, and The Brotherhood I-IV, this promises to be another underachieving blight for the horror potato. Cautious Avoidance = Self Preservation.
Dante’s Inferno: An Animated Epic – Starz/Anchor Bay
What can I say, this video game adaptation looks amazing and is what I was naively hoping for from the Lady Death film a couple of years ago. The characters and story are flimsy enough to let the action go unimpeded and the dialogue is strictly for the cerebrally hypoxic, so you know the gamers will love it. Anyone with an anime fetish is also sure to adore it, but don’t expect Dante Alighieri not to spin in his grave a few times and land middle finger up.
As thunderclaps shatter the calm and rain pours down in torrential waves, your only refuge from the harsh elements is this episode of Terror Transmission as Matt and Jason spin tales of murder and madness by the warming fire. Kick off your soggy boots, have a shot of gin, and change into something pretty as M&J comment upon the 1932 gothic suspense flick, The Old Dark House. After the feature, stay tuned for rundowns on M&J’s latest DVD viewings as well as Terror Transmission’s first giveaway!
UPDATE: We have our giveaway winner! The announcement for this will be in the next episode.
A woman moves into an apartment building called the Dante. Neighbors die, girl investigates, someone redeems their soul and other such contrivances. Bloodless, largely plotless and annoyingly episodic in nature. See this online webseries at your own peril.
The House of the Devil – 2009 – MPI – DVD and Blu-ray
Call me a lunatic optimist, but I’m a little stoked to see this one. A lunar eclipse, a creepy old house, a reluctant babysitter, a mutant devil-child, Tom Noonan and Mary Woronov, and it’s all set in the lovable 1980s. Anyone who has seen Ti West’s The Roost (2005) has seen the glimmer of his directorial potential, the beloved Dee Wallace makes a cameo, and if the poster has anything to say about it, this is surely not one to miss.
Didja get a gander at part one? If so, rest assured that part two is also intended for cinema masochists and the video game crowd. Uwe Boll does not make a directorial return, so we have to be grateful for small favors, but this is still some abominable and mind-numbing dreck. Who finances this crap? Oh, that’s right… we do.
Doctor Death (Dr. Death: Seeker of Souls) – 1973 – Scorpion Releasing
This is undeniably a hunk of cheese, but at least it’s an aged and moldy cheese so we can appreciate it with some sense of bewildered nostalgia. John Considine hams it up as Dr. Death, who is searching for a proper vessel into which to reincarnate a lady’s soul. The problem is that each bodily receptacle he chooses for the reincarnation process rejects her soul, which of course leads to some grand-guignol styled fun as the body count rises. Moe Howard also slums here in what is sure to please fans of the era and cheeseheads alike.
Written by Jason / Category: Blog /
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9.) 1976
The huge horror boom of the late ’60s and early ’70s had seen an unparalleled diversity (and quantity) of productions burrowing out of the woodwork from every corner of the then cinematically galvanized globe. The sheer mass of productions left financiers and filmmakers alike squirming to push the genre ever further into heretofore unexplored depths of depravity, gore, madness, and exploitation, gloriously punctuated by a now requisite parade of naked nubile flesh (for which we are forever grateful) all in order to rise out of the sea of sameness which had plagued the progression of the genre for years and, of course, to rake in an ever more demanding audiences dollars. The continued (and damning) success of the televised medium also gave rise to an expectation amongst audiences and producers alike that theatrical releases had to be bigger, badder, bolder and bloodier in order to convince the growing population of agoraphobic couch potatoes to leave the comfortable confines of their battle-damaged lazy-boys and wander starry-eyed into their local (and newly-built) cineplex. The culmination of this burgeoning trend came with a little film released in 1975 called Jaws (maybe you’ve heard of it?). With its huge financial and critical success, Jaws once again caused the rules to be rewritten, forcing the film industry even further into the red to finance even more grandiose (but often, much worse) spectacles and paving the way toward the distended summer blockbuster which vogues on even more formidably today.
Written by Jason / Category: Blog /
Tags: no tag / 4 comments
Greetings and salutations, Terror-Fiends! The new year is upon us once again, a time to indulge in reflection and introspection minus the benefits of confection (until next month, when those “earnest” resolutions bite the dust!). In honor of the new decade, your horrible host has painstakingly perused his burgeoning collection of horrors with pencil and paper firmly in hand, to distill the top 10 years of pinnacle horror production (in terms of quantity + quality) since the inception of feature length films (1911). In these sorry days when terror-fiends can go months without a quality horror film being released, the petrifying (pod)people here at Terror Transmission thought it might be a horrific hoot to revisit the halcyon days of yesteryear, when quality and quantity went hand in boney hand and well before the advent of bubonic remake-itis cast its solemn shadow over the land. Feel free to rant and rave over the inclusions/exclusions and gross injustices, but bear in mind this is just one opinion amongst opinions (assholes?) the world around!
El Castillo de los Monstruos/Conquistador de la Luna – 1958/1960 – Mexico – Lionsgate
I am extremely reluctant to purchase domestically released foreign films that don’t include English translations. Most of us in this country still speak English (or some approximation of such), right? Well, considering the slew of Spanish-language-only editions in the marketplace, niche distributors seem to think otherwise. I have been waiting for a review copy of The Castle of the Monsters with baited breath for far too long, and since something tells me K. Gordon Murray won’t be around to overdub anytime soon, this release will have to do. Essentially a cheezed up remake of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, El Castillo is an endearing all-ages monster-rally set in a haunted castle and is tons of silly fun. Entice your local migrant worker to drop in for some quality tequila and translation time, sit back and enjoy the inanity!
Pandorum – 2009 – USA – Starz/Anchor Bay – (DVD and Blu-ray)
What little I have read and seen of this film makes it seem like an Aliens meets Event Horizon sci-fi/horror hybrid, and that would be quite fine with me! Dennis Quaid stars, which can be somewhat forgiven in today’s market, and the talented Christian Alvart (Antibodies, 2005) directs what is hopefully some quality space scares and not just another CGI laden atrocity. Regardless, I am convinced it will be worth a look.
Rising from a century-old grave comes the Count to wreak vengeance, gather his followers, and… party with haughty English mods? Well, not exactly. But Matt and Jason will be haunting the swingin’ streets of London as they comment upon Hammer Film’s attempt to be hip, also known as Dracula A.D. 1972. M&J will be rapping about hot chicks, groovy movie facts, far out personal trips, and then mellowing out with some post-movie chat and listener e-mail. So, open up a vein and hang with some righteous horror cats. Can you dig it?
Don’t get bummed out, man! There are plenty of episodic Flickr pics to go around.
(a.k.a. “Robocrap!”, VHS title: “Zalman King’s Terminator 2″, Canadian title: “The Red Shoe Diary Gang Meets the Killer Robot From Apartment 9!”)
Bleccch! This movie was SO much better at age 14, but so was sweet Cindy Jameson. Y’see, Cindy was the sexual center of my 14-year-old universe, with her lithe as a cat teenage frame and those perky… teeth. Pimple popping was my unfortunate precedent at the time and it kind of precluded me (at least I figured) from getting balls deep in Cindy Jameson and screaming out the first 7,541 digits of pi at the top of our lungs. I walked around with that regret for about 10 years until I was reacquainted with Cindy, who looked like she had eaten a refrigerator and been stung about the head and neck by a rogue squadron of jellyfish. That’s kind of what it felt like when I revisited this film after 19 years – epiphany by gut-punch.
The masquerade has begun and the attendants will all be wearing RED. And from high atop the castle of Prospero, your two handsome hosts will be regaling you with tales of carnality and chaos as they comment upon the 1964 Poe adaptation, The Masque of the Red Death. Wine will be consumed, bosoms will be ogled, and great thoughts will be… thunk? Yes, it will be a veritable feast of aural pleasure. Just don’t look behind the mask.
I am in utter awe of this movie. Made on six million and a prayer (like Lee Majors), Night of the Creeps was a pinnacle of genre entertainment in its time and remains so thanks to its brilliant encapsulation of all that was beautiful from the lighthearted 1980s. This grand pastiche cleverly balances sci-fi parody with zombie thrills and is more eminently re-watchable than a Barbara Steele beaver loop (from the set of Black Sunday, shot by Bava and involving several dozen gerbils… yeah, I’m a little screwed up). I am tickled pink that Sony has finally deigned to deliver this masterpiece into the clammy hands of the multitude and that such care was taken to give (sell) the fans such a fine presentation loaded with heaps of delicious extras to gush over. Hands down, this release gets my vote for “must-own of the year.”
Clownstrophobia – 2009 – E1 Entertainment
“And to think… I hesitated.”
