Woe be unto those who play this episode of Terror Transmission as you may open one of the seven gateways to Hell. Thankfully, your ungodly warlocks, Matt and Jason will help you face that sea of darkness while you hopelessly succumb to their cadaverous commentary on 1981’s The Beyond. Evil will invade your eardrums as you are struck blind by movie details, Jason’s recent trip to Italy, stupid American moviegoers, justifying Fulci, the non-racist implications of blech, trans-whatever, unsettling dentures, Mormon girls going wild, the public humiliation of film financiers, Peter Weller’s emaciated doppelgänger and all therein that may be explored. Listen in or you will be cursed forever!
Terror Transmission is dedicated to ending all forms of sexual violence. To that end, Matt and Jason are committed to serving the podcast community through being a leading voice for meaningful commentary on 1978’s I Spit On Your Grave. Your handsome hosts will provide crisis counseling and advocacy for those whose lives are in need of film details, aurally violating our listeners, the anti-rape superhero, the return of Matt’s vocal stylings, changing views of female sexuality, Jason threatens the Mennonites, questionable fantasies, personal justice, and other means to change attitudes and beliefs that perpetuate and condone the cycle of violence. So, you want total podcast submission? You got it!
Bienvenue, démons terroristes! Join Matt and Jason at the Canuck pub for 19% alcoholic beer, poutine and something called back bacon, all the while questioning just what kind of party this is. Well, how else would one celebrate 1981’s Happy Birthday To Me? Even if the weather outside is cold and bleak, your handsome hosts will make you toss off your toques and feel elite with some schooling on movie facts, French-French vs. Canadian-French, Matt’s strangulation tips, hot bitchy-witchy, nut-cheeking, Jason’s sexy workouts, teen movies, weapons and sex, red herring overload, “give me souvenirs” and other ways to get the rich kids to like you. So stick around. Because you might never hear a podcast again.
Have you not gorged yourself enough on episodes? Well then, Terror Fiends, taste the soft bare flesh of our commentary on the 1963 release of The Haunted Palace. Entitle yourself to the small amusements of film facts, Poe/Lovecraft comparisons, British lip smacking, cinematic cleavage, Matt’s beard selfishness, silly putty faces, liking the villains, post-menopausal insanity, women who are “big in the boots,” torching the homeless, the death of TV westerns, spotting the Pazuzu and other means by which to possess yourself. And if you don’t like it, you can just go home!
Dear homeowners. While you were on vacation, we broke into your house, upturned some furniture, got loaded, and played a whole lot of crazy music. But we were so inebriated, we left behind a recording of our criminal commentary on 1971’s A Bay of Blood. Your nerves might even twitch if you knew what really went down, including film background, death nerds, the Friday The 13th franchise connection, Countess Cripple, smiling dune buggies, carefree lifestyles, Matt and Jason’s broken glass disasters, the evil of realtors, the Rape Sweater, the showmanship of corpse revealing, living in Giallo World and maybe even some skinny-dipping. Oh, and sorry about the bloody spear through the bed. But, we did have a Bava-lous time! Your pals, Matt and Jason.
And now, Terror Fiends, we’re going to give you the greatest thing your ears have ever beheld! The Eighth Wonder of the World… Matt and Jason’s commentary on the 1976 remake of King Kong. But don’t be alarmed, ladies and gentlemen. It’s all money and adventure and fame for your handsome hosts as they unchain movie background, comparisons to the original film, mime hatred, Jason’s new porno name, no one liking Grodin, Matt’s chloroform memories, sexual smorgasbords, the whiskey spit take, perceived racism, King Kong: 9/11 terrorist, and other ceremony spoilers. So, everybody on deck! We’re going on a crazy voyage.
Beauty might have killed the beast but there is no way to shackle down and tame this episode of Terror Transmission. Matt and Jason are liquored up and ready to take you on a grim expedition through the dense jungle of Skull Island for their captive commentary on 1933’s King Kong. You might not get the damsel in distress but you’ll get plenty of film facts, conservationism, Jesus and his dinosaur fetish, Matt’s dream “yacht rock” outfit, perfect areolas, the Official Terror Transmission Ebola Charity Donation Fund, swimming seamen, child-coddling / gender-neutral / everyone’s-a-winner / anti-boy magazine ideas, fake prehistoric animals, wealth vs. sex, the muscle baby cameo, a brief history of giant monsters in film and other gorilla tactics. Holy mackerel! What a show!
Buenos tacos, Terror Fiends! Get on your burros and ride the hard road to Hell as Matt and Jason preach the unholy commentary gospel of 1977’s Alucarda. Blood will flow and nipples will harden as your handsome hosts bring you glorious blasphemy through movie facts, tequila, half-naked sellers of gum, bacon-wrapped nuns, blind sex partner fantasies, girl/girl discovery, Christianity as death-worshipping cult, the fashion risks of cloak-wearing, true freedom of speech and other freaky gypsy trinkets. Ave Diablo!
SCREAM! Scream with everything you’ve got! Scream as your handsome hosts put a strange creature inside you known as the 1959 release of The Tingler. Sure, it’s an ugly and dangerous thing, but stick around and don’t panic as Matt and Jason bring you movie commentary, the perfection of mute girlfriends, made-up sexy sitcoms, the “coming” of the lord, LSD experimentation, the insensitivity of your hosts, trusting in doctors, the things Hitler didn’t ruin and other frightening shocks. So, make sure to scream at the right time. It might just save your life.
“What kind of a place did you say this was?” It is a house of pain wherein your handsome hosts make… things. Things! Great big commentary things, like this one for 1932’s Island of Lost Souls. Strand yourself in this doomed locale as Matt and Jason perform their curious ceremony of film background, promoting the beast in Man, learning mammary euphemisms from Jason’s son, flossing with nipple hair, Matt’s view on Mormons, burning down your own neighborhood in protest, junkies in Burlington and other great achievements. Are you not terror fiends?