The funeral is about to begin. Never mind the scurrying creatures and flying weaponized spheres. Just bow your head and hang on tight as Matt and Jason open the portal to 1979′s Phantasm. You might think that when you die, you go to Heaven, but you’ll actually come to us for movie trivia, ’70s dirtbag guys, why modern cars suck, Matt’s intentionally bad French, hair helmets, bachelorette parties gone wild, dwarf vs. midget vs. little person, unisex names, and other things that are little, brown and low to the ground. It’s definitely going to be a hot time. Hot as love. You know?
Sometimes, you just have to get your lovin’ where you can. And Matt and Jason really get out their grave digging shovels for 1964′s The Tomb of Ligeia. Prepare for a mindless sort of madness as your handsome hosts exhume movie background, natural lighting for home porn, British horses, death and resurrection, May-December relationships, Jason’s necrophiliac desires, Matt’s favorite Dr. Who, sexy pale girls, drinking breast milk and other things that make you go meow. Just don’t look into their eyes. They will confound you!
Teleportation can have some odd side effects. You might start sprouting strange hairs or even acquire the ability to climb all over the walls. If these and other symptoms persist, you should listen immediately to our helpful commentary on 1986′s The Fly. Although your handsome hosts are not actual scientists, they will professionally guide you through film facts, improbable user interfaces in cinema, Jason’s magical journey through someone else’s beard, post-coital decorum, judging hairstyles, science over belief, the BrundleFly / Michael Jackson connection, Matt trying J&B for the first time and other means by which to make your flesh crazy. So, take a deep penetrating dive into our plasma pool, and we’ll see you on the other side.
Everybody needs some change now and again, to get away from it all and become someone else. Or… something else. So, enter the disintegration chamber and your handsome hosts will see you on the other end with their recombinant commentary for 1958′s The Fly. Sometimes you have to destroy in order to create, and Matt and Jason do their share of breaking down movie background, math wizards, dumb horror podcasts, the perils of Canadian French, heavy metal facelifts, the hotness of crying girls, repressed ’50s housewives, tips for finding sex entertainment in Quebec, post-1985 James Bond hate, and other questionable experiments. But, don’t worry. They wouldn’t harm anything… not even a fly.
Spirits surround you on every side. Murder is in the air. And the mesmerizing voices of Matt and Jason cannot be resisted as you slowly open the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. You’ll find yourself in a hypnotic haze as you silently spiral into 1920 to witness movie facts, the Siegfried Steamer, those fun-loving Germans, the secret hidey-hole, Jason’s love of silent film gals, Matt’s use of “comely”, semi-consensual roleplaying, Hitler, the death of cursive writing, hotel Bible destruction, and other plots of doom. But, don’t ask us for more. You wouldn’t like to know your fate.
Buongiorno, Demoni del Terrore! Step into the parlor and let Matt and Jason make you a nice pizza pie… along with a special vino just for you: Deep Red, vintage 1975. After a few bottles, you might feel a bit woozy, so lie down in the back of the Ferrari as your handsome hosts take you for a ride through movie background, loads of giallo film recommendations, Italian gender-bending, the power of J&B scotch, the glory of unfettered breasts, the beauty of cinematic death, the creepiness of puppets, Jason’s fear of little girls, arguments about pajamas, Matt’s spontaneous desire to solve crimes and other means by which to smash faces of pretty girls into glass. Que bella!
Have you ever been bored? Not merely restless and unoccupied, but really, REALLY bored? Bored enough to… slaughter a bunch of hapless virgins and bathe in their blood? If so, then do we have an episode for you! That’s right, heave up that cleavage and hoist your drink to eternal youth as Matt and Jason bring you the sanguinary story of 1971′s Countess Dracula. Sure, there isn’t a vampire to be found, but that shouldn’t stop you from suckling the teat of movie background, female serial killers, magic Dio ashes, the Eric Roberts lookalike, Ingrid’s Nazi tales, gay reindeer, an extensive look at the Bathory tale, the Ingrid Pitt / Peter Criss Connection, learning diversity from Benny Hill, the smell from the DVD room and other questionable fluids. And if your handsome hosts disappear, remember… try the whorehouse!
Nazarene charlatan, what can you offer humanity? Certainly not the greatest horror commentary podcast… EVER! And where he has failed, Matt and Jason deliver with their utterly blasphemous commentary on 1981′s The Final Conflict. So, sit back and let your handsome hosts show you the raptures of their kingdom through movie facts, feeling the spirit, Bud Dwyer, Reagan and the Fundies, Christian hypocrisy, the enjoyment of power, Jason’s fascination with twins, bad girls, failed prophecies and other trivial lusts and perversions. Disciples of the Watch… do you HEAR US!
Is it real… or all make believe? People say that a lot about Matt and Jason but you might also place the burden of that question upon this episode’s movie, 1935′s Mark of the Vampire. With white faces and burning eyes, your handsome hosts occasionally interrupt their drinking to bring you film background, eating stale gingerbread houses, Hollywood orgies, completely unrelated movies, hissing in film, anger for the end of this flick, the attraction of villainy and more deadly cold breath on your throat. It might not end the way you think but it’ll still be the hilariously debauched hell ride you crave.